Finding Your Way Through Grief
Contemporary culture tends to be all about youth, self-care, winning, and success. This leaves little room to discuss the process of death–or its aftermath for survivors. Can we even handle such conversations? When faced with mortality, we find ourselves instinctively closing up: Let’s not go there. If I avoid it, maybe it won’t happen to me or to those I love.
Yet we all understand that death is a part of life. Unavoidably we will experience grief, a raw and powerful mix of emotions that follows loss. Cross Keys Village’s Director of Pastoral Care, Rev. Linda Titzell, shares, “Grief is not a disease, but is often treated like one, like a cold. Your friends may believe you should recover after four to six months. They may even shun you, consciously or not, during this so-called recovery period. But there is no timeline in expressing grief.” There are many variables in the impact death has on the living, as in death itself: whether it was a sudden and tragic loss or a predictable outcome after weeks on hospice care, the sharpness of the loss can stay acute for a very long time to the person who is grieving.
GriefShare offers support
Pastor Linda leads GriefShare, a 13-week support group designed to provide Bible-based support and encouragement to someone grieving the loss of a friend, child, spouse, or family member. Although she’s been facilitating the group at Cross Keys Village for seven years, she doesn’t consider herself a grief expert. “I only want to help people through their grief.” Due to the nature of her work in Pastoral Care and her own life experience, Linda can relate to those who attend GriefShare. “It has taught me to be more supportive of all people, in all situations.”
The program’s structured sessions are confidential and non-judgmental. Each meeting opens in prayer, followed by a scene-setting video showing actual mourners, the same individuals week after week, sharing their progress through grief in their own words. This leads, in turn, to the essence of the meeting: a discussion moderated by the leader who makes sure everyone has a chance to open up if they wish. The last week covers the topic of heaven, which Linda says can be very emotional.
Villager Karen Richard and her husband lost both of their children within a year of each other. Karen tried a session or two of GriefShare initially, but she felt somewhat out of place and shares: “it seemed like everyone there had lost a spouse, not a child.” Linda encouraged Karen to stick with the program. “After a few more sessions, I knew I made the right decision.” Karen finished the 13-weeks and felt it was beneficial to her. “The best part of GriefShare was Pastor Linda; she keeps it light-hearted.” Karen continues to advocate for the GriefShare program, even returning to the group to share her personal loss and describe finding peace through her grief experience. Pastor Linda appreciates Karen’s endorsement since GriefShare can be a “hard sell” to older adults, as we explained earlier.
Finding joy again
The program is typically offered in the spring and the fall, at no cost, to villagers and area neighbors, with a steadily growing number of participants. Linda thinks there are hundreds of people in our vicinity who could benefit from the program. After 13-weeks, you most likely won’t feel as though you have “moved on,” but there is a good chance you will feel a distinct improvement. Comradery builds within the group through getting to know one another, sharing memories of loved ones, and grieving together. Members have been known to stick around after the meetings to talk among themselves and even for becoming friends through their shared experience. “When we help others, that’s when we feel better,” said Linda. “If someone can measure a little bit of progress, it means all the world.”