Ageism, Internalized?
Whether we like it or not, society evolves at a rapid pace. Along with the blessings of advanced age, one finds oneself–upon reaching 80 or more–in the position of a refugee of sorts, having spent the formative years of youth in a different land (and this remains true even if you still live in the village of your birth). Think of our elders of color, for instance, who grew up in a deeply segregated society. Or our Jewish elders, whose parents weren’t welcome at the local country club. Or our LGBTQ elders, who were teens in an era during which opening up would expose them to a multitude of indignities and risks. What a contrast, for members of such groups, between the “public opinion” while they were growing up, and the progress accomplished nowadays.
This bewildering contrast is present when it comes to aging in general. As it has become commonplace to hear, “eighty is the new sixty.” Altogether a good thing, but it doesn’t change the fact that today’s eighty-year-old grew up at a time when reaching such an age often entailed significant physical and intellectual loss. Senior men in 1955–not to mention senior women–were not seen as candidates for demanding exercise classes, discovering new art forms, or mastering new technologies. If you were 8 or 10 in 1955, the very idea of old age–as it solidified in your young mind–may have been that of a slow-moving grandma basting a turkey while an even less active grandpa napped in an easy chair with a newspaper resting on his lap.
All these years later, almost unconsciously, you may still carry such stereotypes within you: you have internalized them. Somewhere deep, and regardless of evidence, you still think of age as a handicap rather than a reward. It isn’t easy to rid oneself of decades of overt and subtle messaging. You use the insulting expression “senior moment,” for instance, or you assume that a conversation with a much younger person will be incomprehensible. You approach the nurse with blue hair or the tattooed and pierced cashier with apprehension because you see yourself as vulnerable and unimportant in their eyes (plainly a projection of your doubts about your worth).
This is not worth losing sleep over, but let’s remain aware of the trap of internalized ageism when we suspect it is triggered. Sure, your deep-sea diving and your equation solving days are behind you, but the world still loves you, values you, and is interested in you. Let go of negative stereotypes associated with age. Walk proudly with the confident beauty of your weathered face. You may not remember names or acronyms instantly, but you still have plenty to learn, plenty to teach and plenty to share.
Oliver Hazan – Vice President of Sales and Marketing, Cross Keys Village